Is any Grief, “Good” Grief? Unfortunately, loss is a part of life. There is nothing like the loss of a relationship or death of a loved one to test the fragility of our emotions and the resiliency of the human spirit. Perhaps you have recently ended a long relationship; maybe you had to put down your beloved family dog; or a close family member has passed away. Whether it is an actual loss of a life, or the end of a relationship, loss is a part of the human experience. In an age where there seems to be a quick fix for everything, grieving is a process that is neither simple nor easy. Everyone experiences grief in different ways, thus there is no magic pill or perfect words to make it go away. “People's grief, and other reactions to emotional trauma, are as individual as a fingerprint.” There is no one way to mourn. Nor is there one way to measure someone’s grief against another’s. You may laugh at the way someone cries for days over the loss of a family pet, or be shocked that a co-worker doesn’t take time off to attend a funeral of their family member. However, it is important to remember, that everyone has their own way of processing grief. Regardless of how someone experiences their emotions, there is generally a cycle that they will go through. Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross created a model of the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), which is the most commonly referenced cycle. Please note that Kübler-Ross did not intend this to be a rigid series of sequential steps. It’s more of a framework to guide you through stages. Not everyone will experience all five stages, and you may often revisit a stage. This is a visual to assist you grasp the feelings that you, or someone you know may be going through after a loss. Now What?
Now that you understand grief, what is the answer to the burning question: is there any “good” grief? Yes, grieving is good! It is important to allow yourself to feel sadness and pain when a loved one passes away, or you end a relationship. However, if your grieving affects your ability to take care of your daily needs, (sleeping, eating, getting out of bed to go to work, talking with family and friends), then you should seek support. If you start to rely on non prescribed medications or alcohol to sleep or get through the day, then it is likely that you may be “stuck” in the process. Luckily, there are many ways to get through this hard time. Whether it is formally talking to someone, like a therapist or your doctor, or informally, talking with family or friends, it is important to gain support to live the best life that you can.
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